They Shoot Dogs, Don't They
"They Shoot Dogs, Don't They" is the sixty-fifth and final episode of Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers. It aired on November 19, 1990. Plot A carrier pigeon stops at the Ranger Headquarters with a postcard from Canina La Fur. The card reads: Monterey Jack discounts it, since Canina only lost her tap shoes the last time she was in trouble. But Chip points out that it ended up being a big case. Monty agrees to go, but hopes that the group doesn't end up in a wild poodle chase. On a boat crafted by Gadget, the Rangers sail down a river to a country called Taxidermia. Once the group crosses the border, Gadget mentions how she no longer hears any birds. Monty states that this is because they have legal hunting in Taxidermia all year around, and because of this, the animals in the country are afraid to make any sound. He also mentions that the hunting season changes by the hour. Monty's point is made quite clear when they see Wild Bill Hiccup, the world's "best hunter", chasing after a turtle. At the studio, Canina is performing for a dog food commercial along with the penguins who were rescued from Professor Norton Nimnul. Suddenly, the prop can of dog food at the top of the staircase topples over, forcing Canina to flee in terror. Chip and Dale swing on a rope, and Canina grabs hold just before the can gets close to rolling over her. The Rangers realize Canina wasn't kidding when she said that someone was trying to kill her. When Gadget asks who'd do such a thing, Canina's stand-in, Zsa Zsa Labrador, comes along asking the actress if she's okay. Canina introduces the Rangers to Zsa Zsa, whereupon the director calls her for another take. In the dressing room, Canina tells the Rangers about how Zsa Zsa is trying to off her and take her place. Monty believes that there's no way Zsa Zsa would do such a thing and that the incident on stage was merely an accident. Canina tells Monty that this was no accident, and neither were the other incidents that happened before. She recalls the day that Zsa Zsa introduced herself to Canina, stating that she had been a fan for a long time and hoped to be as talented as Canina. But Canina stated that what she was only came around once in a lifetime. After putting on her collar and started for the show, Canina realized she was trapped due to the fact that a bunch of heavy objects had been placed in front of the door. She figured Zsa Zsa was responsible, since she was the last one to leave. Then Canina recounts how she was doing a dog food commercial a few days later. She danced to the top of the prop can of dog food when she got a painful shock due to the fact that someone had electrified the can. As Canina was carried out on a stretcher, she grew suspicious of Zsa Zsa, since she had been so eager to stand in while the big star herself recovered. Monterey still believes that this was all a big set up, but Gadget says that the Rangers had to find out if Zsa Zsa has been up to something -- which she indeed has. Unbeknownst to any of them, Zsa Zsa has been eavesdropping on their conversations. Seeing an opportunity, Zsa Zsa attaches one end of a rope to Canina's trailer and the other to the bumper of a parked truck. When the truck takes off, it ends up taking Canina's trailer along with it. Canina and Zipper glance out the window to see Zsa Zsa waving goodbye in a cold, cruel manner. Canina's suspicions are confirmed as the truck drives away. The security officer calls for help after seeing Canina's trailer being pulled out of the studio. Monty manages to untie the rope from the trailer, but it ends up going off the edge of a cliff. The director witnesses the event, thinking Canina is gone forever. But Zsa Zsa shows up, disguised as Canina, and the director drives her back to the studio, not knowing he's really driving the stand-in. Once Canina and the Rangers make it back to the studio, they find that everyone has already left. The commercial shoot is done, and now everyone has left for the airport. Canina and the Rangers arrive as the plane prepares for takeoff. Inside the plane, Zsa Zsa is practicing the acceptance speech while scheming, when Canina enters the room. The two dogs get into a fight. Monty tries reasoning, but decides that if he can't break up the fighting, he might as well join in. During the fight, Zsa Zsa opens the plane door and Canina and Monty tumble out, leaving the rest of the Rangers behind as the plane takes off. Canina suggests that they try and catch the next plane out of Taxidermia, but Monty tells her it was the next plane and they're stranded. Suddenly, Wild Bill Hiccup appears and starts shooting at them, as it turns out to be Dog Season at the moment. Monty tells Canina that Hiccup doesn't care if she's a star and will shoot her none the wiser. The dog and mouse make it all the way to the boat and set sail on the river out of the country. Meanwhile, Canina's plane lands at the airport and Zsa Zsa gets off, in disguise. The director proclaims that she is excited and wants to be excused because she has to get ready for the ceremony. Inside the plane, a flight attendant is tidying up when she discovers the Rangers inside the baggage compartment and runs off screaming in disgust. The Rangers are not amused about Zsa Zsa locking them up and pursue her. Back in Taxidermia, Monty stops for a cheese break. An impatient Canina, though, is more concerned about getting home and getting the Lassie award, and decides to take over the ship in spite of Monty's safety concerns. When they come to a fork in the river, Canina turns right out of habit. Monty tells Canina she's made a terrible mistake, as they are now on the Amazing River, which no one has ever survived. Wild Bill Hiccup shows up again, in a motorboat with more guns than the average warship. Unable to turn back, the dog and mouse lose the crazy hunter (who gets launched in the air and lands in a tree) but end up going over a waterfall. Canina and Monty are washed ashore. The boat survives too, but it's in need of fixing, which isn't one of Monty's skills. Canina starts sobbing at the thought of being unable to get home for the ceremony and disappointing all her fans. Fed up with Canina's whining, Monty decides to fix the boat, although he's not as skilled as Gadget. Since the motor is shot, Monty says that he and Canina will have to paddle their way out -- something Canina isn't accustomed to. Just as the dog and mouse are getting closer to the border, Wild Bill Hiccup shows up once again in his motorboat. Monty doesn't think they'll be able to outrun the crazy hunter, but Canina comes up with an idea to fool Hiccup -- an act from one of her films. As a shot is fired, Canina starts doing the "faking dead", which Monty criticizes as she lets herself fall into the river. When Wild Bill Hiccup fishes Canina out of the water, she suddenly snaps to and takes a bite out of the hunter's pants, sending him swimming down the river. Monty confesses to Canina that he's been a fan and has seen the film in question as they cross the border leading out of Taxidermia. By this time, the rest of the Rangers have reached Canina's mansion. Zipper lowers a curtain from an open window, and the Rangers scale it. Chip spots Zsa Zsa's pink wig and decide to take it so she won't be able to disguise herself. While Zsa Zsa is trying to decide on which of the many collars on the shelves to wear, the Rangers make off with the wig. Alas, Zsa Zsa catches them in the act and captures them before they can escape. At the Seventh Annual Lassie Awards, the host announces Canina La fur as the winner. The Rangers have arrived too late, as Zsa Zsa is already there and goes onstage. Just as Zsa Zsa is beginning the acceptance speech, Canina comes out from behind the curtain, shocking the audience. The dogs start fighting over the award. Canina slaps Zsa Zsa in the face and removes the disguise, making the stand-in run off the stage in shame. Canina then gives her speech, giving special thanks to Monterrey Jack. Of course, Monty is rather upset that Canina hasn't been able to get his name right. External links * * *